I just recently got back from my favorite sabbath escape. One thing I love to do every sabbath retreat is reflect on the last twelve months. From last year’s sabbath retreat to the shore, to this year’s sabbath retreat in the cabin in the woods on a lake- I have had five infusions- two bad and three good. I also had my first two side-complications from these infusions in the last year- as well as an MRI, two CT scans, an EEG, a few tests, and a whole lot of blood work. On the flip side, I also had an incredible community rally around me for a fundraiser to help pay for medical expenses, an opportunity to help spread awareness, and another year of more chances to feel things besides pain- the hands of little ones tugging on me, hugs from loved ones, and the sand and ocean under my feet.

Among the few impactful things I learned and was reminded of on sabbath this year- this one is on the forefront of my mind: no matter how  I’m feeling- it is always a good idea to reflect on how good the Lord is. Speaking the truths of who He is can be so powerful. In a life full of so much change- the Lord does not. In a life full of things out of my control, I can trust the Lord is never surprised.

I don’t believe the Lord looks at me in pain and says, “yes, that’s good.” In fact, I often get stuck asking the Lord why He is not fixing my broken because I believe with my whole heart He has the power to fix it.

Going down that road -the road where I wonder why God is choosing “not yet” instead of “talitha koum” can be a dangerous one for me. I think it’s important to state it and sometimes to even feel big emotions about it. But if I’m not careful- this turns into a bad game of:

“Yeah, why hasn’t God healed my body yet?”….”Is God going to heal my body on this side of Heaven…ever?”….”Why does God choose to heal other peoples bodies and not mine?”….” What is God doing?”….”Is it a waste of my breath to even ask if He’s not going to do it?”

*Slam on breaks*

Why do our minds do that? I won’t speak for you; sorry. Why does my mind do that? No good comes from that. It’s a train of thought that knocks down faith instead of building it up.

I believe that God has the power to fix my broken. And yours. And your best friends.

I really do. That’s who I know my God to be.
So why doesn’t He just choose to heal us all….like yesterday?

I don’t know.

“Great, thanks Katie. Great blog.” – I know, hold on.

But here’s what I do know:

God never leaves us. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
God sees us. Really sees us. (Genesis 16:31)
God has not forgotten us. (Isaiah 59:1)
God will always be there for us. (Psalm 145:13
God has not stopped caring about us. (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
God loves us with a love greater than anything. (1 John 4:8-10)
God is compassionate. (Psalm 116:5)
God knows every detail of what we are going through. (Matthew 10:30)
God is our strength. (Psalm 59:9)
God is approachable. (Hebrews 10:22)
God will get us through our broken. (Isaiah 64:4)
God is our peace and will continue to be our peace. (Isaiah 54:10)
God IS a healer. (Psalm 147:3)
God is good. (Nahum 1:7)

There’s more. A lot more. The Bible is filled with these truths of who God is.

Sometimes, even when we don’t even know that we can believe them, saying them over and over again- is enough. Declaring the truths of who God is- helps us fight our battles. It helps me remember who God is.  I have to trust that He’s very much in control with a plan (Jeremiah 49:11) and even though I think my plan of full healing today sounds best….I much rather follow the plan of God who is all of those things above and more all the time- then the plan of a woman who can’t get up in the morning without calling on the name of the Lord to help her weary body touch the ground.

Last night, as a church, we had a time of worship, story telling from a day of serving, and communion. It was beautiful. We ended with a song I’ve always loved since the first time I heard it. But it reached a deeper part of my soul yesterday, as I’ve been reflecting on who God is, even in the middle of my brokenness. It was an opportunity to declare it over and over again, “glory, glory, hallelujah, Jesus you are good.” (“Your Glory”- All Sons and Daughters. Click here)

My word for the year has been “sing.” A reminder to myself to sing of the goodness of the Father even when things around me don’t feel good. A reminder to “sing my way out” when I feel like I’m drowning in pain. This word has just been so perfect for this year. And here we are, in the middle of October, the end of the year is approaching and I’m still having reminders to sing of the goodness of the Father.

My prayer is you will too. My prayer is that you speak truths of who God is in the middle of whatever your “hard” is. It’s a game changer. It shifts the focus on what feels so hard to the only One who will help us out of the hard. It reminds us of what we know in the middle of all the unknowns. It declares truth – when we are weary and tired of fighting. And I believe, like the hushing of a parent quieting the cries of their child, it can sooth our souls.

Glory, glory, hallelujah-
Jesus, You are good.